Pixelating My Memory – Poetry

By Bill DeArmond

By the time you finish reading this 
              my mind will be gone

It is the most insidious of diseases
A cancer that eats away your identity 
              until you are but a shell 
              staring blankly at a sea 
              you no longer feel a part of

What is the worst
              is that you are not taken  
                             blissfully at once
But are carved up
 
               piece by piece 
                            until the final peace
We are the sum of our memories
Remove those and we are…

I know I was a child once
 
              since we all begin as one
I may have had parents who loved me
              were there at graduations               
                               birthdays               
                               weddings                   
                       funerals

Yet
They are no longer around me 
              or I no longer recognize them
But
There is no place in my mind where they reside 
              no movie of my life I can replay  
                             as warm comfort on these dark nights

Someone had to put me in here
 
              abandoned me in this place of nameless faces  
                             sitting in this chair  
                             wasting away  
                            staring out an opaque window

How strong must have been their emotions
How hideous must have been my decline 
              for them to have left me here

Is this the way the world ends?
 
      truly with a whimper? 
      a wisp of smoke  
                    blown by the night breeze?

I can’t believe a life would pass like this
Surely there is something I have done 
             some life I have touched
Someone who will pause from time to time 
             and fondly recall my name

The night is stealing over me
 
             a fog upon troubled waters
I release myself to it 
            embrace my dissolution

I shall awaken tomorrow
 
            and read these final words:

remember you

Bill DeArmond is Professor of Mass Communication and Film at Southwestern College in Winfield, Kansas. He is the author of six books released by Lulu Publishing and available on Amazon.

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samidan19 View All →

<p>Sami Jankins holds an MFA in Screenwriting from UC-Riverside at Palm Desert and is the founder of The Tiny Tim Literary Review. Previously she was a dating advice columnist for The Good Men Project’s column – Dating in the Digital Age with Sami Jankins as well as the press and social media editor for The Coachella Review. She wrote a blog for a number of years called Chronicles of Cheerful Clotter for HemAware Magazine, where she detailed her life with chronic health conditions. Sami is also an associate producer and press manager for the documentary Invisible: The Film, which focuses on individuals living with chronic pain and invisible illness. She has served on the Board of Directors for the National Hemophilia Foundation, spent time as a Senatorial intern, and was Miss Wisconsin for the ANTSO program. In addition, she has had articles published in Chronicality, Elephant Journal, The Glow (Australia), I.G. Living Magazine, The Manifest-Station, The Mighty, National Pain Report, Ravishly, and YourTango. Her interests include ukuleles and sloths. Find her @SamiDan19.</p>

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